I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
