return my video game
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
