A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
