And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
