i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
