let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
worst night to have a conscience
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
