So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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