sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
