Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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