$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
