I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
