I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
