the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
