Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize