I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
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Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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