my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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