Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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