Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
