I want to stick my p in your. b.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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