It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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