I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
