Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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