I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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