I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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