I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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