Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
