I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you told grandpa to call you daddy
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
