Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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