she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
