god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
