Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
