It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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