I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
3 2 1 whiskey
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
