girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
try to milk me bitch
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