somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
