Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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