I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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