Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
