i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
