Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
