New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
