she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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