I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
