tonight lets celebrate not being married
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
