When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
