just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
