just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize