Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
