i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
