You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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