You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
