The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
