I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize