i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
