Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
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It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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