either way he was missing a nipple.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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