Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
