also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
