Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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