he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
